Facing new seasons without your child can be so hard. It’s so hard because they should be here. They should be here walking into this new season of life with you, but they’re not.
There are a lot of emotions that come with facing and experiencing new things that I want to talk about in this post. I want to give you three things that I believe will help you navigate new seasons of life and all the emotions that come with it without your child being here.
Facing New Seasons After Losing Your Child
I remember when we made our first move after we lost Sam. Leaving the house where we last saw Sam, the last place that he was at, was so hard.
I knew it was the right thing to do. I knew we were supposed to move, but that didn’t make it easy.
Moving into a place where he had never been, where I have no memories of him, was so hard.
Maybe for you, it’s not something big like moving to a new house. It could even be something small, like visiting a place you’ve never been before, or even eating at a restaurant you’ve never been to before.
Doing new things when our child is supposed to be here experiencing them with us can just feel not right. They’re supposed to be here.
So how do we navigate these new seasons of life? How do we get through them? That’s what I want to talk about in this post.
If you’re facing a new season in your life – a new anything in your life – and you’re feeling the weight of “My child should be here to experience this with us,” this post is for you.
Here are three things that I really believe will help you navigate this new season of your life without your child.
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Let Go of the Guilt
The first thing that I want you to do is to let go of any guilt that you might be feeling. When we moved into our new house and left our old house, I felt guilty. Like I should stay in that house because that’s the last place that Sam was.
It just wasn’t possible for us to stay there. We were renting that house and it wasn’t a house we owned. So we couldn’t stay there forever. But I felt guilty, thinking I shouldn’t be leaving that house. I thought I should stay there.
Maybe for you, it’s something else. Maybe you’re going on a vacation to somewhere new that your child has never been with your family. You could feel guilty, thinking, “We don’t need to do this because he’s not here to experience it with us.”
First, I want to say it’s normal to feel that. But I also want to say that guilt will hold you back from experiencing life.
I know for a fact that if your child were still here, they would not want you to stop experiencing life. I know that saying “let go of guilt” is easier said than done. But I think even just acknowledging it helps.
NUMBER ONE: It’s okay that you feel guilty. Acknowledge that.
NUMBER TWO: Recognize that guilt is just an emotion you’re feeling.
You have to acknowledge all the emotions that come in this grief journey. Acknowledge it, fully feel it, and then move through it. And that includes guilt.
Realize that it’s okay to do new things. I want you to say that to yourself: “It’s okay that I’m experiencing new things.” Let go of that guilt.
1 Peter 5:7 says, “Cast all your cares upon Him, for He cares for you.” I believe that includes this guilt too, the guilt that can weigh on us. Cast it on Him. Give it to Jesus. He doesn’t want you to live in guilt over every new thing that you’re doing.
And through Him, you can do it. I know you can. His strength never ends. His love is everlasting.
Give Yourself Permission to Experience New Things
The second thing I want you to do when you’re facing a new season in life is to give yourself permission to experience the new thing. Again, guilt can hold you back from experiencing anything new or fun.
You can feel bad, like, “I shouldn’t be living my life. I shouldn’t be having fun. I shouldn’t be feeling joy.” It’s normal to feel that. It’s normal to think, “I shouldn’t be feeling this.”
You need to give yourself permission to feel both emotions.
>>Joy and happiness as you’re experiencing this new thing
>>And sadness that your child’s not with you
>>All at the same time
That’s okay. It’s okay to feel both.
New seasons can be exciting, right? Going to a new place for a vacation is exciting, and it’s okay to feel that excitement. It’s okay to feel happiness and joy that you’re able to experience these things, but it’s also okay to feel sad that your child’s not here to experience it with you.
That’s how we keep living. By giving ourselves permission to be happy and sad at the same time.
What I don’t want you to do is stop living because your child’s not here. Depending on where you’re at in your grief journey, if you’re early on, your focus is just on getting through the day. Focus on healing, on falling back on Jesus. Let Him carry you. Let Him heal your broken heart with His love. That’s your focus.
Experiencing new things, joy, and all of this will come in your grief journey. As you walk with Jesus, you’ll continue the healing process. But if you’re at the point where you’re ready to experience new things – or maybe life has just handed you something new, like a new job or a relocation where you don’t have a choice – give yourself permission.
Say, “I’m going to do this new thing. I know my child’s not here. I want him to be here. I want her to be here with all of my heart, but that’s not possible.”
It’s going to be hard. It’s going to be sad. But give myself permission to do this new thing and feel both emotions. You can be happy and sad at the same time – and it’s okay.
Know that you Carry Your Child with you Wherever you Go
I want to remind you that when you’re walking into this new season of life, experiencing this new thing without your child, you are carrying your child with you wherever you go.
As you’re walking into this new season, experiencing this new thing without your child, they’re with you. You carry them with you. Every single heartbeat, every single breath, every single step. They are with you.
When we moved into this new house, while Sam wasn’t physically with us, he was in my heart. I carried him with me. I carried his memory with me into this house.
I have pictures of him. I have his Spider-Man. I have his shirt quilts. I have little pieces of Sam in this house. Even though he’s never physically been in this house, he’s here. Not only are his pictures and things here, but he is with me. I carry him with me in my heart everywhere I go.
So while your child is not physically with you to experience this new thing, they are there because you carry them with you. They are in your heart always.
In a way, they are experiencing it with you because you carry them in your heart.
I know that hearing these things – letting go of guilt, giving yourself permission to experience new things, and remembering that you carry your child with you wherever you go – is one thing, and actually walking them out is another. It’s easy to hear these things, but sometimes it’s harder to actually live them.
So how do you do it? How do you make it through all the hard things we have to face and experience after losing our child?
Fall back on Jesus. He is there with you as you’re walking into this new season that’s so hard. Jesus is with you every single step. He knows exactly what you need and exactly when you need it.
So fall back on Him. Don’t try to do this on your own strength. There’s no way we can make it through all the emotions we have to face and all the different challenges without Jesus. He’s how I’ve made it. There’s no other way. And I know that He will be with you too.
This grief journey is messy. The emotions are big. The situations we have to face are hard. But we have, on our side, the One who will be with us every step of the way. Whatever new season you’re facing, He’ll be with you every step of the way.
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