How to Find New Purpose in Life After Child Loss

This post is all about finding purpose after loss. Finding new purpose for your life can seem impossible, especially after losing your child. Here are simple steps you can do today to start finding meaning after loss.

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Everything changes after you lose your child.

The things that once brought you joy and fulfillment and purpose in life, might no longer bring that for you.

It can feel overwhelming thinking of trying to find a new purpose for your life – that’s so big and intangible. Where would you even begin?

I want to take the idea of finding a new purpose in life after loss and break it into a few simple steps. You can start these steps today and begin discovering who you are and what your purpose is after losing your child.

So let’s dive into how you can begin to find a new sense of purpose after loss.

After you walk through such deep grief, you have to rediscover this whole new person and this whole new life.

I always say that there’s a line in my life. My life before July 1st, 2017, which is when we lost Sam. That was the Courtney then.

And then the next part of my life was July 2nd, 2017 until the day I get to heaven and can see Sam again. That is the Courtney now.

I have two different lives.

And so do you. Now you just have to figure out your new life.

+What does this new life look like now?
+How do you find your new purpose and your new passions after walking through something that changed you so much?
+How do you keep living again after you’ve lost your child?

It Will Take Time to Find Purpose After Child Loss

There are a few things that I want to touch on before we get into the steps that you can take to start figuring out your new purpose and passion in life.

The first thing that I want you to understand is that it will take time for you to figure out this new life.

And there isn’t a “right amount of time” that will pass and then you’ll be ready. It isn’t something that we can say, “Okay after three months, six months, one year, two years, you should have it all figured out.”

I believe it’s something that will be a continual process. And there’s no one right or wrong way to figure this out.

As you go through different seasons of your grief journey and walk through the different stages of grief in your healing process, you will change as time goes on. And so you kind of just have to flow with this journey.

I have a friend who is just a few months into her grief journey. She probably isn’t ready to figure out her new passion right now.

There’s no pressure in saying, okay, it’s time for you to figure out your new purpose in life. Y’all. I am six and a half years into my grief journey and it wasn’t until a few years ago I started finding a new passion for my life and a new purpose for my life.

It took four years for me to get to the point where I was even able to mentally think about doing anything with my life.

This grieving process is so completely individualized and personalized to you. You will know. You’ll feel that little nudge inside that says, what am I going to do now? I feel like I’m healed enough to begin looking for a new purpose in life, a new passion in life, to be able to feel joy in my life again.

If you’re in the early days of losing your child, let this be an encouragement for you that there is going to be a point in your journey where this is possible, where you’re going to be healed enough to be able to look ahead and say, what is my new normal? What is my new meaning in life?

Your Life and Purpose Will Look Different

The second thing I want you to think about is an important step. As you begin this process of finding a new life purpose, know that it’s going to look different.

Whatever your purpose and passion is, whatever you find out, it’s going to look different than it did before you lost your child. Because YOU are different.

You are not the same person as you were before you lost your child, so it’s going to look different. There will probably be some similarities, but it will not look or feel the same way it was before. And that’s okay.

I think you need to start rediscovering who you are after you’ve lost your child. And the first step is just acknowledging that you’re different.

Step 1: Start Writing

Okay, so we have those things in our head – we realize it’s going to take time. And it’s going to look and feel different than it did before.

Now it’s time to start these super simple steps to finding your passion in life after losing your child.

The first thing I want you to do is start writing. Not a book, not a blog post.

I just want you to grab a pen and paper (or open up a Google Doc if you prefer typing) and I want you to just start writing.

I feel like there’s a block in our head, especially after losing our child. Sometimes our mind can be kind of muddled and not clear. I feel like putting pen to paper or starting to type it out will begin to clear up that fog in our mind and will allow the Holy Spirit to be able to speak to you about things, whatever it is you’re writing about.

So in this case, we’re going to write about finding our new passion. What’s our new purpose? I’m different now. How does that look?

And if you don’t know where to start, I have found the best thing to start writing or typing is literally…

I don’t know what to say right now.

Just opening like that will start your fingers typing, start your pen moving, and it will just start flowing out.

God speaks to me so much when I do this. As I’m typing it out in my Google Doc, it’s like the Holy Spirit takes over my fingers and he starts speaking to me as I’m writing and it’s amazing and beautiful.

And so that would be the first step. Because I feel like we need to get what’s in our head out so we can get clarity on things.

So you might be asking, well what do I write? How long do I write? Are there specific questions I need to answer?

I would suggest making it simple and just start writing.

I’m sure there are some prompts out there that you can answer that might help guide you. But if you want to keep it simple, I would just start writing what’s in your head and your heart and just see what happens. See where God takes you, see what he says to you.

You might not get detailed, point A to point Z, directions. Where you’ll know exactly what your purpose in life is and exactly how to do it. But I feel like as you’re writing, you’ll get some kind of nudge and inclination that you need to go in a certain way, a certain path.

And that leads us into the next step…

Step 2: Look for a Spark of Interest

When you were finished writing, did you have something that stuck out to you? It might not have been glaringly obvious, but was there something that gave you even just a spark of an interest?

It might not be overwhelming you and overtaking you now, but if you had something that stuck out to you, that’s what I want you to hold onto. Because I feel like as you’re writing, the Holy Spirit will kind of nudge you in the right direction of where he wants you to go next in life.

And it might not be something huge like, you know, starting a foundation or even what I’m doing, starting a blog and podcast. That was my thing.

If you want to know what my new passion was that I found it was this, starting this blog and podcast, ministering to other fellow grieving mamas from someone who knows what they’re going through.

This truly brings me so much joy and gives some purpose to my pain. That I’m able to look back and help others who are walking this journey and we can walk it together.

But everyone’s new purpose is going to look different. So after you’ve written or typed and you have either something that was glaringly obvious (it could have been like, wow, this is it) or even if it was just a little spark – let’s take that, and then we’re going to do the next thing.

Step 3. Take One Small Step

The next thing I want you to do is take one step. That’s it.

I don’t want you to plan out the entire rest of your life with this new idea that you have. We’re not going to plan the next year. We’re not even going to plan the next month.

I want you to figure out, what is that one thing that I can do to take a step towards this?

Because unless it was glaringly obvious, you want to test it out. Is this what I want to be doing? Is this something that will bring me joy and fulfillment and purpose in my life? You won’t know until you try, or at least you start going in that direction.

So what is that next step that you can do?

Let’s take me for example, a few years back I started this website and blog and it was all about getting through storms in your life. Just general storms, not necessarily even child loss, just the hard things that happen in life based on my own experience. That’s where I thought it was going to go.

As time passed and I kept taking the next steps, I received more clarity where I realized, okay, I want to start a podcast in addition to my blog. And instead of talking about just storms in life in general, I want to hone in on what I went through. The storm I specifically went through, my own personal experience. And not just grief in general, I want to talk to other moms who have lost a child.

I have found that there’s not a lot of Christian grief resources out there and there’s really not a lot of Christian grief resources for child loss out there. So I saw a hole and it fit with the passion that I have, which is helping other moms walk through their grief, finding healing in their journey through Jesus, and learning how to live again without their child.

It’s been a journey to get to this point. I didn’t start out knowing I’m going to start a podcast talking to moms who have lost their child.

I started out with a spark of an idea – I want to help people who are going through hard things because I went through a hard thing. So my next step was, okay, how am I going to do it? I want to start a blog. Okay, how do I start a blog? So I just kind of took it step by step. And as I’ve walked this out, I’ve received more clarity, more direction to bring me here.

This little spark of an idea, if you never take that first step, you’ll never know if that’s “your thing.”

As you start taking steps you might realize nope, this isn’t it. Okay, so let’s go back. Let’s get our pen and paper. Let’s journal it out. Okay, why did this not work? Why didn’t I like it? Why don’t I feel like this is the right thing? Where am I going to go now?

And then start the whole process again. Type it out, write it out, see if there’s something, whatever the Holy Spirit tells you. And then you take that and say, okay, I’m going to take this next step toward it.

One step. That’s all I’m asking you to do. Because as you start taking these steps, the Holy Spirit will lead you and guide you. And as long as you have an open heart saying, whatever you want me to do, he will lead you. He will guide you where he wants you to go.

Step 4: Find a Community for Support

I believe a very important part of finding a new purpose in your life after losing your child is to have a community, some support groups, who will be there to help encourage you and motivate you to keep going during the difficult times. To keep taking those steps. Find that new purpose. Find that passion in life.

I have a Facebook group that will be perfect for this. If you are a fellow grieving mama who has lost their child, then I highly encourage you to join. Inside of this community, we encourage each other and motivate each other to keep living this life, keep walking out this healing journey with Jesus. These mamas will be with you during your good days and your bad days (because you know this grief process we’re walking through is filled with both).

I encourage you to plug into this support system and get the help you need to keep going in your day-to-day life.

Join Now:
Unlocking Joy After Child Loss | Christian Grief Support for Grieving Moms

You don’t have to face your everyday life alone. I can’t wait to see you inside 🙂

Step 5: Give yourself grace

The last thing I want you to do in this journey of finding your new purpose after losing your child is to give yourself grace.

This is going to take time. It’s going to take a lot of trust in Jesus that he’s going to lead you.

We’re trying to figure out life without our child, which is not right. They should be here with us. Nothing is easy in this journey, but you can do it. I know you can because you have Jesus carrying you, the Holy Spirit walking with you, leading you, and guiding you into this new life, new passion, new purpose.

So I want to end with a question that you might be thinking right now.

Courtney, what’s the point? Why would I even want to figure out a new purpose for life? And I get it. It can be hard thinking of even wanting a new passion and purpose for life after losing your child.

If I asked you right now what the number one thing you want is, you’ll probably say what I say. If someone would ask me, what is the number one thing you want in life? I would say, I want Sam back here with me. That’s it. That’s what I want.

And oh mama, how I wish I could make that happen for you and for me.

The good news is we can see our babies again. And when we do, we’ll never have to be apart from them again. We’ll never have to say goodbye again. That’s the hope I want you to cling to when you think, well, the thing I want is my child.

I completely understand. Unfortunately, I can’t make that happen for you. I can give you this hope that we will see our child again. We will be able to hug them again and live with them again and never have to say goodbye again. So that’s the hope I want you to cling to.

But we’re not in heaven yet. We’re getting there every day is one day closer to seeing our babies again, one day closer. But what do we do with these days that we still have left down here?

That’s what this new passion, new purpose can bring for you is a point, a point to this life. Some purpose to your pain. Some joy all mixed in with your sadness.

I can’t tell you how much doing this blog and podcast, being able to connect with you all and help you in your grief journey has brought me so much fulfillment in my own life. It feels like all that pain I walked through when I lost Sam has a purpose. I’m able to take all those hard things that I’ve walked through (and am still walking through) and walk it with y’all.

And I want this for you. This feeling of purpose and joy in life. It is possible. And when you find this new purpose, this new passion, you’re doing it with your child.

Sam is with me every step of this life, every step of this new purpose and passion that I’m doing right now. I’m carrying him with me. He’s with me every step. So when you say, I want to find a new purpose, I want to start living again, it’s not because you want to forget your child or that by doing this or wanting this is saying what happened doesn’t matter.

It’s actually the opposite. I’m doing this because of what happened and I’m carrying Sam with me every step. Everything I do is in honor of him. And so by doing this, by living again, I believe he is up there saying, yes, mama, go.

And I know whatever it is that you find to do in this life, that your child will be up in heaven saying, yes, mama, I’m with you, cheering you on every step of the rest of your life until you see them again.

I hope this has encouraged you to start the journey of rediscovering who you are, finding your new purpose and passion in life. It won’t look like what I’m doing. It’ll be a different way and so unique and personal to you. But there is one thing that I can guarantee you…

It will be amazing.

Would You Rather Listen To This Post?

It Will Take Time to Find Purpose After Child Loss

Your Life and Purpose Will Look Different

Step 1: Start Writing

Step 2: Look for a Spark of Interest

Step 3. Take One Small Step

Step 4: Find a Community for Support

Step 5: Give yourself grace

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