Being able to feel joy in grief seems impossible. Especially when experiencing the deep grief we feel after losing our child. How can we find joy when everything is falling apart? That’s what we’re going to dive into today.
Finding Joy in Grief
There are so many things in our Christian walk that don’t make sense:
>> The first shall be last and the last shall be first
>> To be a leader you must serve
Finding joy in this grief journey, while it does seem impossible and doesn’t make sense, it fits perfectly into God’s kingdom because it doesn’t make sense.
In this post we’re going to go through five things that you can do to help you find the joy of the Lord in your life daily.
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Why Do You Need the Joy of the Lord
Why would you need the joy of the Lord? Is there a reason? Or is it just so you can feel happy?
Nehemiah 8:10 says:
“Do not grieve, for the joy of the Lord is your strength.”
As you’re walking through this grief journey, there are moments where you will feel so weak and beat down that you’ll feel like you can’t make it. Right here in Nehemiah it tells us the source of our strength.
The JOY OF THE LORD is your strength. The source of everything in our grief journey is him. It’s how we’re able to make it through. It’s how we’re able to survive each day after losing our child.
Having joy while feeling such deep sorrow can seem so conflicting. These emotions are so polar opposite. To feel them at the exact same time is so bizarre at first.
You’re thinking: Is it okay that I feel joy? Because I’m still sad.
I’m here to tell you: Yes it’s okay! And it’s not only okay, I believe it’s needed.
We’re having to figure out how to live with this sadness. As we live the rest of our life, a piece of our heart will always be missing. So there will always be a layer of sadness in whatever we do for the rest of our lives.
However, as you keep walking this grief road with Jesus, he will continue to pour his healing over your heart. And as time goes on, your heart will be healed enough to where the sadness that you feel is still there, but it’s not overwhelming.
There are times I’m able to feel joy and be happy with just a little tinge of sadness. And then there are times where I should be happy and I should feel joy, but all I feel is sadness.
Both of those are okay!
Allow yourself to be sad in a joyous time if that’s the emotion that you’re feeling, but don’t stay there in that sadness. Feel it. Acknowledge it. And allow the Holy Spirit to help you work through it. Then keep going, keep walking, keep searching for that joy. Because in that joy is our strength.
The Source of Your Joy in Grief
So where do we find this joy? This joy that doesn’t make sense?
Psalm 16:11 says:
“You will show me the path of life; In Your presence is fullness of joy; At Your right hand are pleasures forevermore.”
Psalm 30:5 says:
“Weeping may endure for a night, But joy comes in the morning.”
Jesus is the source of our joy. He is how we can make it through.
If you were to ask me: Courtney, how have you survived all these years without Sam? How did you keep going?
There is only ONE answer to this >> Jesus
His love is the only way I’ve been able to make it through. The only way I’ve been able to find joy again after losing my child is through him.
Here are five ways you can find this joy in your life. A joy that comes with the strength to be able to make it through.
Spend Time with Jesus
I have to start with this because it tells us straight in the scripture mentioned above: “In Your presence is fullness of joy”
How do we find this joy? How do we experience this joy daily in our lives? By spending time with Jesus daily!
We have to connect our heart and our spirit with him in order to find this joy and walk in this joy daily in our lives. And yes, you can feel joy after losing your child! Experiencing joy after walking through such deep grief and pain doesn’t seem possible, but it is when you search for it through the source of ultimate joy.
When you spend time with Jesus, connecting your heart, your spirit, and your mind with him, he will give you HIS joy and HIS joy is perfect.
If you need some help in how to structure your quiet time, here is my 3 step EASY morning quiet time routine.
It’s important to make your quiet time with God a priority in your life because he’s the source of not only how we make it through life after loss, but how we can experience joy while we’re living.
Find a Passion Project
When you find a passion project, something that brings you joy and fulfillment in your life, it can help restore some of that joy that was lost when you lost your child.
I know it can seem impossible that you could even have a purpose or a passion for anything after losing your child, but I’m here to tell you that you can and it can bring you so much fulfillment!
My passion project, my purpose that I have found for my pain after losing Sam is this blog and my podcast. Helping other moms navigate this grief journey with Jesus has helped me find new purpose in my life.
Finding a passion project or purpose in life after loss can look different for everyone. Whether it’s starting a blog to share your story like I did, or something completely different, I know that finding a passion project can help bring some joy back to your heart.
If you need help navigating where to go now that you’ve lost your child and how to begin the process of finding a new purpose in life, this blog post can help you get started in finding some purpose in your pain.
Volunteer
I believe helping and serving people is the heart of the Father. So when we put ourselves aside and serve other people, it puts us in tune with the heart of Jesus. Jesus came to this earth not to be served, but to serve. When we really feel his heart for other people, it can bring so much fulfillment and joy to our lives.
Here are some ideas of volunteering you could do:
- Volunteer in your local city. To find volunteer opportunities near you, simply Google “volunteering in the name of your city or county”.
- Serve with a non-profit organization. Maybe there’s an organization that is personal and close to your heart because it had something to do with your child. Volunteering your time with that organization is a great way to bring joy to your heart and to honor your child’s memory.
- Help the homeless. A soup kitchen is a great place to help the homeless in your community. You could also find an organization who donates clothing items to homeless people.
- Donate to pregnancy centers or women shelters. If you have items to donate that are pregnancy or baby related or for women, your local pregnancy centers or women shelters are great places to donate these items too.
- Help a widow. If there’s a widow in your church or in your neighborhood, go serve her by mowing her grass, taking care of her house, or bringing her some food.
Stop Scrolling Social Media
Nothing can steal your joy faster than scrolling social media. But why is that?
Because everything we see on social media is everyone else’s highlights. The highlights of their lives. Only the best parts of their life is shown on social media.
People are not going to put on social media when they’re fighting with their spouse or their kids or where their house is a mess or when they’re struggling to pay bills. That’s real life, but that’s not what you’ll see on social media.
So as far as we know, all of these people on social media have it all together. And when you don’t, when you’re having a bad day or when things just seem to be falling apart, it could be easy to compare your bad day to their “perfect life”.
My challenge to you is to stop scrolling.
If you’re up to this challenge, then I have a post that walks you through step by step how to reduce the amount of time you spend on social media.
If you reduce the amount of time you spend scrolling social media, you’ll be amazed at the peace you will gain back in your mind. Your joy can no longer be stolen from the comparison trap we all fall into using social media!
Go Outside
I’m a huge fan of going outside. There are so many benefits to being outside, especially in our grief journey.
When you’re outside you are in the very thing that God spoke into existence. You are surrounded by his voice. And I believe that brings you so close to not only God, but your child who is in heaven with God.
So if you’re having a hard day and you’re missing your child so much, go step outside, close your eyes and take a deep breath in. The joy and peace that will fill your heart and mind by simply doing that is amazing!
Being outside has played a huge part in my grief journey. Here are three ways that walking outside has helped me heal after losing my child.
Be Fully Present
As you’re searching for joy in your life, there’s one thing I want you to remember…
Be fully present in this moment, in the present.
It can be so hard not to look back. Because looking back is where our babies were. In the past, in our memories.
But if we spend all of our time looking back, it can be hard to be fully present in this moment. With the people in your life right now. I know it’s hard. I know you want your child to be here experiencing this with you. And it’s okay to feel sad in the middle of a happy time because your child is not here.
But I want you to truly cherish and treasure these moments, the moments that are happening right now. Give yourself permission to be happy. Give yourself permission to feel joy. Give yourself permission to live again.
Bring your child with you into every new memory that’s being made. I know your child is walking alongside you as you keep living your life, cheering for you to keep going.
More Ideas for Living After Loss
I pray that as you’re going through this life trying to figure it all out, that you will begin to experience the joy that comes from the Father. And that in that joy you’ll find the strength to keep living.
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