Grief affects us in so many different ways, and healing after grief can seem impossible. Grief affects not only our emotions, but also our mind and even our body. As you’re trying to figure out this life after losing your child, I know you have felt the effects of grief in your life. So today I wanted to bring you five things that can help bring healing to your body and healing to your mind.
The grief you feel after losing your child is so very deep. The heaviness that sits on your chest is so very heavy. Your heart literally aches every time you think of your child. The mental exhaustion that comes with reliving the trauma of that day can be debilitating. It’s all so overwhelming.
It’s no wonder this grief we’re experiencing affects us mentally and physically!
After we lost Sam, my husband developed a stomach ulcer from the stress and the grief that he experienced.
I had a miscarriage.
You can experience insomnia where you can’t sleep and then you can also experience extreme exhaustion where all you do is lay in bed and you can’t even get up, but you never feel rested.
All of these things are happening to your physical body and the source of it all is the grief that you’re feeling.
So in this post I want to bring you 5 things you can do to start healing not only in your emotions, but also in your body and mind.
Healing After Grief
There are many types of grief in life. People can grieve over losing a spouse, a parent, a brother or sister. You can even grieve over losing a job or something that’s in your life that’s not a person.
While I haven’t experienced all of those different types of griefs, I believe that losing a child is a grief that is different from any other type of grief that you would have to go through in this life.
It’s so deep and hits so hard because it’s not supposed to happen. A parent is not supposed to outlive their child. And because of this, the pain that comes with this grief affects our physical body and our mind.
It’s actually scientifically proven that grief affects you physically.
WebMD says that grief increases inflammation in your body which can worsen health problems you already have or cause new ones. It batters your immunity system leaving you depleted and vulnerable to infection.
The heartbreak of grief can increase blood pressure and the risk of blood clots.
Intense grief can alter the heart muscles so much that it causes “broken heart syndrome” which is a form of heart disease with the same symptoms as a heart attack.
Grief also affects your brain. The American Brain Foundation says that grief and loss can cause changes in memory, behavior, sleep, and body function affecting your immunity system as well as your heart. It can also lead to cognitive effects such as brain fog.
And I feel this. After losing Sam my mind changed. I couldn’t think as clear anymore. I had trouble coming up with words sometimes. I had trouble talking to people when before I never had issues with that.
This explains why. Grief literally changes your brain.
So if you’re like me and you’ve been wondering:
- Why am I feeling this way?
- Why can’t I think like I used to?
- Why can’t I sleep like I used to?
We all knew it was because of our grief, but now we have scientific proof of what grief has done to our bodies.
Now that we know this, in this post I will give you five things you can do to help bring healing to your emotions, your mind, and your body.
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Fully feel every emotion
Allowing yourself to fully feel every emotion in your grief journey is a great way to bring healing to your emotions and your mind. Sometimes we feel it might be easier to just push that emotion down and try to ignore it.
But when you push it down, it doesn’t go away. It will eventually overflow. Imagine a cup that you’re pushing stuff in. You keep shoving things into this cup and pushing it down. But here’s the thing – the cup can only hold so much.
Eventually everything you’re shoving into this cup will spill out, and it will happen at a time that’s so random.
So it’s best to give yourself permission to feel the emotion when it originally comes. Whatever the emotion is – sadness, anger, whatever it is. Whatever it looks like, don’t sop it. Let it come however it comes: Crying, screaming, shouting, being quiet, not wanting to see anybody, whatever that looks like for you.
Fully feel it.
But here’s the key: Do not stay there.
When that sadness hits, we don’t want to sit down in that sadness and camp out in there. Because when we camp out in these emotions, that’s when bitterness, depression, resentment, and things like that will take root in our heart.
So what you need to do is, allow yourself to fully feel the emotion, and then let the Holy Spirit help you move through the emotion. Keep going, keep walking.
Move your body
Moving your body is a great way to bring healing to your body after losing your child. We all know that exercise and moving is important just in general for everyone, but it’s equally as important in your healing journey.
But here’s the thing, I want you to keep it simple. We don’t have the mental energy to do anything complicated.
So what I recommend is walking!
Walking is the easiest thing that you can do. All you need is a pair of sneakers and some pavement. Being outside in God’s creation will bring a layer of healing to your heart. The peace that you receive from nature, from what God created is unlike anything else.
Don’t overcomplicate this either. You don’t have to set some goal for yourself about walking a certain amount of time or a certain distance. All we’re doing is getting outside and walking.
So step outside, take a deep breath of that fresh air, and start moving.
Get some sleep
I know, I know. Sleeping after child loss can be so hard sometimes. However, there’s no denying the importance of sleep for your body and your mind.
I can remember how hard it was to fall asleep after I lost Sam. as soon as I would lay down at night my mind would start racing and thinking of him not being here.
Some things that you can do to help you fall asleep are:
- Lavender essential oil – I used lavender essential oil in my diffuser every night and it really helped to calm my mind. I use and highly recommend Plant Therapy. They have very high quality oils at a very reasonable price. And if you use this link you can save 15% off your first order!
- Worship music – I found that the quiet was not good in helping me fall asleep. I needed something to distract my mind but I was still trying to go to sleep. so I found a worship song that was mostly instrumental and put it in my earbuds. Listening to this song helped fill the silence in my mind so I could go to sleep.
So if you’re really struggling with falling asleep, try using these two ideas to help you get to sleep.
I also want to encourage you that this phase won’t last forever. I didn’t need to use these essential oils and worship music forever. If you keep walking out your journey with Jesus, allowing him to heal your heart, you will have sleep again.
I pray sweet peaceful rest over you in the name of Jesus!
Journal it out
The next thing that you can do to help bring healing to your body and your mind is journaling. I think journaling is one of those words that we hear a lot that we just kind of dismiss.
However, it’s proven that journaling can help clear your mind and help you process your emotions. Because our thoughts can get all mixed up in our heads – kind of like a big ol’ bowl of spaghetti.
If each thought was a spaghetti noodle and you have a big bowl of spaghetti, all the noodles are meshed together. You can’t see where one ends and one begins and it’s just a mess.
Journaling helps you be able to pick out those spaghetti noodles one at a time and process them.
Again, we’re going to keep it simple. We can’t do complicated after child loss.
So you can do one of two things:
- Just start writing – Whatever is in your head, just start writing. If you don’t know where to start, you can literally start writing, “I don’t know what to say” and then just start writing whatever comes to your mind next. That simple sentence can be enough to get your mind going.
- Use prompts – If you feel it would be easier for you to have a prompt to help guide your journaling, then journal prompts are a great idea for you! Here are 50 grief journal prompts that you could pick through and use as a guide in your journaling.
You don’t have to have all these fancy things – unless that brings you joy. If having fancy pens and notebooks would bring your heart joy, then you do it girl! Go on Amazon and buy all the journaling things! I’m all about doing things that bring joy to your life in this grief journey.
You can also keep it simple and just pick up a random notebook you have laying around and a pen you found in the bottom of your purse.
Give yourself time
This grief Journey that we’re on is exactly that – it’s a journey. We’re not going to wake up one day and it be all done. It’s a journey we’re going to have to walk for the rest of our lives. So it’s important that we learn to live with our grief, because losing your child is not something that we will ever get over.
It becomes ingrained in us. It’s part of our DNA. It’s interwoven in us. It is us.
We’re never going to get over it, but we can learn to live with it. I know that thinking of living again with any kind of purpose feels impossible. And it is impossible without Jesus. He’s the only way we can make it through. But with him we can do it! We can learn to live again. But it will take time and there’s going to be layers of healing we’re going to have to walk out for the rest of our lives. So give yourself grace. Keep walking step by step with Jesus and he will bring healing to your shattered heart, piece by piece.
Keep going. Keep walking out this healing with Jesus. I know you will make it through. You know how I know? Because I know who you walk with and he is so faithful.
More Ideas on Healing from Grief
I pray that as we all are walking this grief journey together, that our bodies and our minds will start to be healed from the trauma of losing our child, from that deep grief, pain, and sadness that we’ve had to walk through. I pray that our bodies, our minds, and our emotions will experience ultimate healing and peace. I pray complete restoration over you in the name of Jesus!
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