When grief is overwhelming it can be hard to see your way out of it. Those emotions can be so heavy, and it can be so hard, especially in those early days, weeks, and months. In this post, I want to bring you three different ways to lessen that overwhelm of grief that you might be feeling and to give you some hope that there is another side.
When Grief is Overwhelming – How to Make it Through
There are so many intense feelings that we go through in this grief journey. It can be so draining and exhausting.
It’s easy to be overwhelmed by your grief because it’s so heavy. We’ve experienced such a significant loss which causes those feelings of grief to feel so big.
These big emotions that come with grief are a common reaction after facing a major loss like we’ve had to walk through.
There’s one thing that I have learned in my own grief journey: I don’t have the mental capacity for complicated.
Because of that, because of our brain not having the mental space to do anything complicated, I wanted to bring you three simple, easy ways to lessen the overwhelm of those emotions.
Your grief is so big, deep, and heavy, and I know you feel that heaviness, especially in the early parts of your grief journey. I also know that there is no one right way (or wrong way) to get through the experience of grief. But hopefully these tips will help you find healing and peace.
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Stop focusing on the big picture
The first step to lesson the overhelm of your grief is I want you to stop focusing on the big picture. Right now, you might be thinking of the years and years you have to live without your child. How are you going to process these emotions and live day after day, year after year?
I remember in my own life in the early grief after losing Sam, I kept thinking, How am I going to do this? How am I going to do this? I have years to live before I see him again.
It’s just so big and so overwhelming that our minds can’t even comprehend how we’re going to do it.
So I want you to stop. If you start thinking about that, if you start thinking about the years to come, I want you to physically stop yourself.
Come back to today. That’s all we’re thinking about: today.
God’s mercies are new every morning. He gives you enough grace to get through your daily life.
He’s already in your tomorrow. He’s already there with His strength, His grace, His love, His peace. Everything that you need to get through tomorrow. He’s already there.
So, we don’t have to worry about the future right now. All we’re thinking about is today. Just getting through today.
When you start feeling overwhelmed by the amount of time you have left in your grief journey, I want you to stop and say:
No, I’m not thinking about that. How am I going to get through today?
If you’re in the first year of your grief journey, even getting through a single day can feel like too much. In those moments, I want you to bring it in even closer. Ask yourself:
+How am I going to get through the next hour?
+How am I going to get through the next 30 minutes?
+Okay, let’s take it even further—how am I going to get through the next breath?
One breath at a time, you will make it through.
It Changes Over Time
I do want to encourage you: if you’re early in your grief journey, it does get “easier”. Now I use the word “easier” very lightly because I don’t think it ever truly gets easier. But the pain of grief does change.
In the beginning, the initial reaction to that pain is breathtaking. I remember thinking about Sam, and it felt like my heart was tearing in two. The pain that came from my feelings of loss was so sharp, so overwhelming. And that’s a completely normal response.
Then as time passes, when the pain comes, it feels more like a dull ache. It’s not as sharp or as consuming as it was in the beginning.
In those early days, the waves of grief hit one after another, wave after wave after wave. I could barely catch my breath. The bad days definitely outweighed the good days. Simple tasks like getting dressed or leaving the house seemed impossible.
But as I continued walking through this grief process, I noticed the time between the waves started to grow longer. That is such a testament to Jesus and His faithfulness.
I would not be able to say this to you if it weren’t for Him. He is the reason my heart has been healed. He is the reason I’m even able to keep living.
When I lost Sam, my heart didn’t just break into two pieces. No, when I lost Sam, my heart was shattered into a million tiny little pieces on the ground. There was nothing left.
Jesus, in His love, picked up every.single.piece of my heart.
Those million pieces that were on the ground, He picked them up and slowly, piece by piece, put them back together until my heart was whole enough that I could keep living.
My heart is scarred and misshapen now. There’s a big hole missing in my heart that will never be filled until I see Sam again. But in His love, Jesus picked up those pieces, one by one, and put them back together.
I know that He will do the same for you. Keep trusting Him. Keep walking with Him.
And I know – you’ll be able to make it through. 💛
Repeat the Promises of God
The next thing you can do to lessen the emotional pain of your grief is to repeat the promises in God’s word.
God’s word is full of promises you can claim. I have felt these promises in my life over and over again during my grief journey. And speaking these promises and claiming the truth inside are important steps you can take to experience peace in the middle of such a painful experience.
There’s one verse in particular that’s a very familiar verse, and I know that when I say it, you will recognize it.
Having walked through losing Sam, I have not only felt this verse…I’ve lived it. This verse holds such a special place in my heart. Over and over again, it has brought me comfort.
Matthew 11:28-30:
“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”
After I lost Sam, the heaviness that sat on my chest was too much for me to carry. There was no way I could have carried my grief by myself.
The first time I truly felt this verse, I’ll never forget it. It was the first time I went into Sam’s room after we lost him. I got on his bed, grabbed his pillow, and cried and cried and cried.
I have never felt the intense pain and heavy feelings of sadness that I felt in that moment. It was too much. I could feel myself falling into a deep, dark hole, and it kept getting darker and darker. I couldn’t see my way out of it.
There’s no way, in my own strength, that I could have pulled myself out. I was hysterical.
The only thing I knew to do in that moment – it was almost like a moment of survival. You know when instincts kick in? Like when you watch those survival shows, and people find themselves in crazy situations out in nature, and you think, I wouldn’t even know what to do. But for them, instinct kicks in, and they just know what to do.
That’s what happened to me.
In that moment, when I felt myself losing control, falling into the darkness, and drowning in the heaviness, grief, and sadness, the only thing I knew to do was to call on the name of Jesus.
That’s it.
I simply said, Jesus, take it. That’s all. I didn’t quote scripture. I didn’t pray a long prayer. I just called out to Him: Jesus, help me.
And what happened next, I will never forget.
I was sitting there, falling into that darkness, crying hysterically, holding my precious Sam’s pillow. After I called out to Jesus to help me, my cries started to slow down. I began to take deep breaths.
The heaviness of the grief, sadness, and pain began to lift off of me. The weight on my chest started to go away. I started to slowly calm down.
And then I felt His peace.
It was almost like His peace started at the top of my head and washed all the way down. Suddenly, I was out of the darkness. I was out of that deep grief and pain. I could see the light again. I was breathing normally. And I had His peace.
It was the most amazing thing I have ever felt in my life.
The pain, grief, and sadness are so heavy that when they are lifted off of us, we can feel it because the contrast is so great. The peace and lightness that comes afterward are unmistakable.
That’s why this verse is so powerful.
“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.”
When we call on Jesus, He is there to give us rest. He takes that heavy yoke off of us and replaces it with His yoke, which is easy and light.
This verse is one to remember when you start feeling that heaviness and overwhelm in your grief. Calling out to Jesus is the best thing you can do in those moments.
He is faithful. He is right there. He will rescue you from that deep grief and those big emotions. 💛
Remind Yourself of the Hope that Jesus Brings
And the last thing that I want you to do to lessen the overwhelm of that intense grief (and this might be the most important part) is to remind yourself of the hope that Jesus brings.
When we start thinking about all of our lives here on this earth without our child – the period of time we have to go without seeing them – it can be so discouraging, so depressing, so hopeless. And I believe that’s a normal reaction to losing your child.
But when you start feeling all of those strong feelings, there’s one important thing I want you to do: I want you to remind yourself of the hope that Jesus brings.
And what is that hope?
That hope is the most powerful thing that we have in our grief. It’s the hope that one day WE WILL SEE OUR CHILD AGAIN! And when we do, we will never have to say goodbye again.
That hope is only because of Jesus.
Him coming down in human form, living the life that we live – perfect, sinless – dying on the cross for us, taking all of our sins, and then defeating death.
He defeated the very thing that took our baby from us. He defeated it.
And because He defeated death, because of that sacrifice He made, we have hope. We have hope that this is not our home. This earth that we’re living on for such a short time – it’s not our home. We are just passing through. Our child is in our home right now, waiting for us.
This hope that we have, the hope that Jesus gave us, is the most powerful thing we have. It’s what gives our lives new meaning and helps us get through, day by day, here on this earth. Knowing that this is not our home. And one day, we’ll get to go home forever.
There’s another verse that goes along with this that really ministered to me (and still ministers to me). I found it early in my grief journey.
Joel 2:25:
“So I will restore to you the years that the swarming locust has eaten.”
When I read that, how I took it for my grief journey was this: all of these years that the locust has eaten – all these years that we have lost with our child – God will restore them to us.
All the years, and then some.
Because when we see our child again, it will be forever.
But all these moments that we’ve missed with our child. All the things that we don’t get to experience with them here. One day, when we get home, God will restore all those years. All those moments. All those experiences that we lost with our child. God will restore them to us.
And that is the greatest gift that anyone could ever give a grieving mom: the hope that we will see our child again, and that all the years we’ve lost will be restored to us.
So, when you start feeling the overwhelm of your grief, remind yourself of the hope.
The hope that Jesus brings. The hope that this is not our home.
When we get to heaven, we will never have to say goodbye to our babies again. All the years we’ve lost here on this earth – God will restore to us.
And do you know who will be with us every day on this earth until that moment when we get to see our babies in heaven again?
The very one who gave us that hope – Jesus. He will be with you. Every moment. Every step.
He is not scared to get down into the messy parts of your grief. All those overwhelming emotions that you feel – He’s not scared of them. He’s there with you. Other people may leave. They may not be there for you anymore. But He will never leave you. He will walk with you every step of your journey.
And in those moments where you feel like you can’t even take another step, He will pick you up, carry you, and walk it for you.
He will give you strength when you don’t think you can take another step. When you feel like you can’t take any more of it, He will give you His strength. And His strength is never-ending. His love is never failing.
We can’t make it through this grief experience on our own. But with Him, we can.
You can.
You can do it. You can make it.
Because I know the source of your strength and who is walking every step with you.
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