Sometimes a bad day will hit you in this grief journey where you miss your child so much it hurts – and you’re left wondering, how am I going to survive this day? It can seem impossible. But no worries friend. Here are 7 ways you can make it to the end of this no good, terrible day.
How to Survive The Hard Days After Child Loss
There are so many ups and downs on this grief journey. Some days are good and some days are just not. Even now, coming up on seven years after losing Sam, I still have hard days.
At this point in my grief journey, the bad days don’t feel the same as they did early on, and they don’t come as frequently, but they do still come.
So what can you do when you are just having a bad day? The grief is heavy. You’re missing your child. And because of that, nothing is going right.
That is what this post will bring you – 7 things you can do to get through all the bad days that hit on this grief journey.
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I wanted to start with a promise that we have in the scripture.
Lamentations 3:22-23 says:
Because of the LORD’s great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.
Let’s break down this verse.
Because of the the Lord’s great love we are not consumed:
This bad day that hits will not consume us. We have that promise. Why are we not consumed?
His compassions never fail:
He feels compassion over you – in your pain, in your grief, in your heartache, he has compassion over you.
They are new every morning:
He will not let you get consumed because his love, his compassion is new every morning. So if you’re having a bad day, you have a new measure of God’s love and compassion to pull from. It’s not the same as it was yesterday and it won’t be what it is tomorrow. It’s new today!
Great is your faithfulness:
Every time you feel consumed, he is faithful and his love will be there to help you get through.
Lifesaver Verse
The first thing you could do when that bad day happens is your Lifesaver Verse.
What is a lifesaver verse?
A lifesaver verse is simply a particular Bible verse that you can use when those waves of grief hit to keep you from drowning. When you’re hit with the waves of grief, it can feel like you’re drowning. This Bible verse will act like a life preserver, a buoy to keep you afloat.
This verse will be something that you can literally hold on to that will keep you from drowning in your grief.
So what you’ll do is pick out this verse, memorize it, and then when a bad day hits you can repeat this verse over and over in your mind. and the truth that are in this verse will wash over your heart and mind and keep you from drowning.
I have a free printable for you that has a bunch of verses that you can pull from to cling to when these waves of grief hit you. You can access that printable here:
Read through the verses and see which one sticks out at you. I believe the Holy Spirit will guide you in the one that you need to have.
Once you have that verse, write it down, memorize it, and use it when those waves of grief hit.
Get Out!
Next thing you can do when a bad day hits is to get out! I want you to just leave. Leave wherever you’re at.
If you’re at your house >> go outside, take a walk, get in your car, drive somewhere else.
If you’re at work >> take a break, go outside the building, take some deep breaths in, say your Lifesaver verse.
Simply by getting out of the environment you’re in when that wave hits can be enough to help bring a little bit of peace to your mind and your heart.
I’m a big fan of going outside. God’s creation and nature have been a really big part of my healing journey. I feel so close to God and to Sam when I’m outside. So any chance you can take to get outside can be all you need to clear your mind and reset your bad day.
Give Yourself Permission to Feel Those Emotions
It’s important that you give yourself permission to feel whatever emotion it is that comes with that wave of grief when it hits. A lot of times we might think that the best thing to do is push it down…
“I don’t have time for this emotion right now”
“I don’t want to face it”
“I don’t have the strength to feel this right now”
But I want to encourage you to look fully into the face of whatever emotion that is. If it’s sadness, if it’s anger, if it’s fear, whatever it is. Whatever that emotion looks like, look at it and say..
“Okay I see you. I acknowledge you. I’m going to feel you. I give myself permission to feel you.”
And then fully feel it! Whatever that looks like. Screaming, crying, just let it all out.
When we push that feeling down, when we try to ignore it, it builds up inside of us and eventually it will come out my friends. And it’ll be on some random thing that doesn’t even make sense.
If you feel like you don’t have the strength to face that feeling, if you’re weary and you don’t feel like you can survive the strength of the emotion that comes after losing a child, I really want you to fall back on the strength of Jesus.
He is there for you every time and he is so strong. His strength never ends and he will take it off of of you every time you ask. He’s so faithful and that’s a promise that we have:
“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.”
Matthew 11:28
He will give you rest. That’s a promise we can claim!
So if the weight of the emotion is too much, call on him to lift it off of you, and he’ll be there every time ready to take that heaviness off of you and give you his peace.
Distract Yourself
When a bad day hits sometimes the way you can make it through is to distract yourself. Distractions in our grief journey are key in making it through.
When a wave of grief hits us and we’re missing our child so bad, it can be easy to just kind of sit and let your mind wander and think about all these things that can be so hard.
So distract yourself. Give yourself something new to think about.
It’s not cheating. It’s not taking the easy way out. It’s surviving. It’s literally doing what you can to make it through the day.
Eventually you will have to come home but you’re giving your mind a break by distracting yourself with something.
For different ideas on how you can use distractions in your grief journey, check out this post:
The Power of Distractions in Your Grief Journey
Focus on One Breath
I know you’ve probably heard..
“Just focus on one step at a time”
Which is great advice! But when you’re early in your grief journey, even one STEP at a time can seem overwhelming. That’s how I felt right after losing Sam. So at that point I decided to just start focusing on my next BREATH.
All I could mentally comprehend doing after losing Sam was taking my next breath.
If that’s you, if thinking of taking the next step in this day is debilitating you, don’t think about that! Instead think…
Okay, I’m going take this breath, and then this breath, and then this breath.
What you’re doing is not literally focusing on your breathing. You’re taking your mind from thinking of all these steps and days and weeks and years that you’re going to have to live without your child – that’s too much for your mind to even be able to comprehend.
So what I want you to do is bring it in, go smaller.
We’re not thinking about tomorrow. We’re not thinking about next week. We’re not thinking about 5 years from now. We’re not even thinking about 10 minutes from now.
We’re just thinking about right now, this moment.
You’re taking your mind from thinking big, into thinking very, very small. Because that’s all we can do right now.
So when that wave of grief hits and it starts overwhelming your mind thinking of all the time left without your child, stop thinking. Bring it in and just focus on this moment. And then the next moment, and the next moment, and before you know it…
You’ll look back and realize you’ve made it through the day.
Treat Yourself
Okay, this is a fun one! Next time a bad day hits, I want you to treat yourself to something you love.
This grief journey we’re on is so very hard and there are so many things that fill our day that are just heavy and it’s not fun. And even when we DO feel joy and happiness, it’s tinged with sadness that our child’s not here.
So if you’re having a hard day and you’re just missing your child so much it hurts, go do something fun for yourself. Treat yourself!
Whether it’s…
>> Going to a coffee shop and reading a book
>> Going to a local burger place
>> Going to a park and walking
Whatever brings you joy – go treat yourself!
This journey is hard enough as it is just on a normal day, so when a bad day hits, do something that will bring you some joy.
Plus a bonus is that it will give you something to look forward to, which can also help you in getting through the day!
Go to Bed
Sometimes it’s best to just call it for the day. Just be like, you know what…This day has been awful. I hate today. Nothing’s gone right, I miss my child so much it hurts and I’m just done.
And that’s okay!
So if it’s close to your bedtime, I would just go ahead and go to bed. Then you can wake up tomorrow and feel those new mercies that Lamentations promises us.
Now, getting to sleep after a hard day is a whole other thing. I do have some tips that will help you fall asleep after child loss.
More Ideas for Getting Through Your Grief
I pray that these tips will help you make it through the next time that wave of grief hits you and just throws off your whole day.
Remember, his mercies and compassion are new every morning!
He’s so very faithful.
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