The Power of Distractions in Your Grief Journey

Distractions in your grief journey are key in making it through. Yes it’s true: Distractions are normally not a good thing. But in our grief journey, I have found that distractions are very, very helpful to help us get through the days, weeks, and months that pass by after losing our child. 

So in this post I want to bring you four things that I did personally in my own grief journey that helped distract me and help me get through the days.

Distractions in your Grief Journey

The days can seem so long when you’re walking out this grief journey. It’s very helpful, especially in the beginning, to not even think of it as a day at a time – but a breath at a time.

Because if you start thinking of the days and weeks ahead, it can feel very overwhelming. Like, How am I going to be able to make it through this? So in the beginning, just focus on that next breath, because even looking at days ahead is too much.

Another thing that I found helpful is to have distractions to fill those days and help us get through that time, especially in the early part of our grief journey. Distractions are key, and I highly, highly encourage you to distract yourself.

Now, I’m not talking about distracting yourself from feeling emotions, because we need to fully feel every emotion that comes up. So I’m not talking about distracting from that. 

It’s more about distracting yourself so you’re not just sitting there on the couch with nothing to do but think. Because when we get silent, you know what we’re thinking of. We’re thinking of our child. 

And when you’re early in your grief journey, your heart is still a very raw wound. Your heart hasn’t healed enough for you to be able to just sit in silence and let your mind wander. It’s still too fresh, too new.

As you keep walking your healing journey with Jesus and he pours out his healing on your heart, you’ll be able to sit in silence, and it won’t be as consuming as it is in the early days.

So I want you to arm yourself with this tool in your tool belt to pull out when you need it. When you start feeling that overwhelming feeling in your mind, you can pull this out and say, Okay, I’ve got to distract myself.

Here are four distractions that I used in my own grief journey. You can either do exactly what I did or use it as a jumping-off point to figure out things that might work in your grief journey.

Would You Rather Listen To This Post?

APPLE // SPOTIFY // ALL OTHER PLATFORMS

How to Know WHEN to Distract Yourself

I always knew when it was time to distract myself because I could feel that heaviness start to sit on my chest and in my mind. That was always my clue to do something. I knew I couldn’t just keep sitting there.

Because if you just sit there, you will get pulled down with that heaviness. You’ll get pulled down into a pit, and it can be hard to get out. So I used that heavy feeling as my signal to pull out one of my distractions to help get my mind off of everything.

And that’s okay. It’s okay to do something to get your mind off of it. I believe it actually helps in allowing you to make it through.

Now, again, we’re not distracting ourselves away from the feelings. It’s so important that you feel every emotion that comes up and work through them. 

What I’m talking about is just sitting there, letting your mind go and wander where it wants to, when it’s still fresh and new, when that wound in your heart is still so raw – that’s when we need to have our distractions ready.

1. Leave the House (or wherever you’re at)

The first thing I did when I felt I needed a distraction was leave. I would leave the house. I didn’t want to sit in the house anymore. It was like the walls were closing in on me when I started feeling this way, and I had to get out.

Especially since that was the house where we lost Sam—it was too much. There were so many reminders, so many things in those early days that I just couldn’t handle. So I had to leave.

I work from home, and we homeschool, so we have the freedom and flexibility to do this. If that is your situation, I highly suggest this as something you can do. 

If you’re at work, maybe you can step out of your office for a moment, walk outside, and take some deep breaths. If there’s a place to walk around for a few minutes, just taking that short break and changing your scenery can help.

But if you’re at home and you have the flexibility, this is what we did—we would pack up our school things, I would take a break from work, and we would go do school somewhere else. A lot of times, it was McDonald’s. McDonald’s saw us a lot during those first few months. 

We would eat lunch there, spread out our school books on the table, and do our school work—just anywhere but home. I just didn’t want to be home. I had to leave.

Another thing we did was take a blanket and some school books and go sit with Sam. 

We would go to his grave, put the blanket down, and just be there with him. The place where he is buried is very peaceful. There’s a big tree where the kids would climb and play, and I would just sit there and be with him.

Early on in my grief journey, that was what brought me peace. There weren’t many things I could control. If I wanted to see him or hug him, I couldn’t—because he’s not here. 

But being able to go and sit with him was something I could control. If I wanted to be near him, that was something I could do. And that really helped me.

I spent a lot of time there in that first year. It brought healing to my heart.

As my grief journey has gone on, I’ve found that I don’t need to go there as much. What helps me has changed.

And just as a little side note – there’s no one right way to grieve.

Related: Is There a Wrong Way to Grieve? My Answer Might Surprise You.

And it will change as you keep walking this journey and your heart begins to be healed by the love of Jesus. Because, like I always say, I know you’re going to get through this, because you know where your strength comes from.

As you walk this journey with Jesus and He continually brings healing to your heart, piece by piece, the things you do to help yourself heal will change. What feels good and right to you now may not feel the same way later.

When I first started, sitting with Sam at his grave was what brought me peace. But as I continued to walk out this healing journey, and as God continued to bring healing to my heart, that changed. Then I moved on to something else that helped bring healing.

Anyway, that was one of the things we did. We would go sit with Sam.

Another thing I did was go to my mom’s house. We would visit with her, and that would help get my mind off of Sam not being here. It was just another place I could go that wasn’t home.

So if you have a friend or family member’s house where you can just randomly say, “Hey, I’m having a hard day. I need to come over”, then that is a good option for you as well.

Stay Connected to your Church

The second distraction that I used was my church.

I was very involved in my church before we lost Sam, and I continued that involvement afterward. Now, that might be too much for some of you, and that’s okay. 

If you were very involved in your church but now feel like you just can’t do it, that’s completely fine. I know your church family will understand if you need to step back from things you used to do.

But for me, continuing to serve in the ways I had before actually helped. It gave me a distraction on the days that I was serving and helped me get through. And it really helped me have some sense of normalcy when the rest of my life was in utter chaos.

Everything changed when we lost Sam. So having that one part of my life stay the same (though different because he wasn’t here) helped in a way. Everything we do now is different than it was before. I always say it’s like there are two Courtneys, two different lives.

There’s Courtney before we lost Sam – Courtney pre-July 1, 2017.

And then there’s Courtney from July 2, 2017, on.

It’s like two different people, two different lives. Things will never be the same as they were before, but staying involved in church helped me have some kind of normalcy. Different, yes, but still something familiar.

It also helped to be surrounded by people who knew Sam and walked through this loss with me. They knew how to pray for me. They checked on me.

So staying plugged into my church family helped me in so many ways. But most of all, it helped distract me and get me through those early days.

Go Outside

Another thing I did was go outside.

I know I’ve talked about this before, but being outside was a really big part of my healing journey. I felt so close to God when I was outside. It’s His creation, the thing that He made. So being out there was very beneficial for my healing.

Some days, I just went for a walk. Nothing crazy. I simply laced up my shoes, stepped outside, and walked the road near our house. Man, Jesus did a lot of talking during those walks. And me and Sam did a lot of talking during those walks, too.

Related: 3 Ways Walking Outside Can Play a Role in Your Healing Journey

Another thing I did was take my kids to different parks so they could get out and have some fun. Because in those early days, I was not a fun mom. I was just surviving – that’s all I could do.

A park was an easy way for my kids to have fun without me having to put too much mental effort into it. The creative side of my brain left when Sam did, and I couldn’t think of anything fun to do. But the park was perfect. 

All I had to do was drive them there, let them go, and they had fun. And all I had to do was sit there, which was very nice.

And again, it was outside, so that alone brought healing to my heart while they played.

Another thing we did was go on hikes. Well, more like nature trails – kid-friendly, family-friendly walks. 

It was fun, something different, and, again, something that didn’t require a lot of planning or effort.

Do Something Mindless

And the last thing I did was mindless activities – things that kept my mind busy but didn’t require a lot of brain power.

I had a game that I played a lot on my iPad. I was never really into games before we lost Sam, but after, I found myself looking for anything that would keep my mind occupied without requiring much thought.

So I played simple games, a lot. And while I played, I had worship music playing in the background.

Even though I wasn’t actively worshiping, my spirit was being filled with uplifting worship music. I believe that helped bring healing to my heart, just by creating an atmosphere of worship and filling my home with God’s presence. It set the tone for healing, even as I played a mindless game.

Related: 3 Simple Ways to Create a Peaceful Home

Another thing I did was watch mindless TV or movies.

Now, normally, this isn’t the kind of thing people would suggest you do. But the journey we’re walking isn’t normal. This isn’t supposed to happen, so the typical advice people give doesn’t always work for a grief journey like this.

Watching mindless movies and TV was a good distraction. Again, it didn’t require me to think, solve problems, or make decisions.

Of course, you still want to be mindful of what you’re watching. You don’t want to fill your mind with junk. But if you have some mama YouTubers you enjoy or a wholesome TV show that brings you comfort, that’s a good option.

You definitely don’t want to watch anything sad or depressing, because we already have enough of that.

Think Hallmark movies. Shows that always end well. We need to fill our minds with things that are happy and uplifting. Even if watching them doesn’t make you happy, at least they won’t make you sadder.

And in those early days, that’s what I needed.

More Ideas for Healing from Grief

So that’s it. Those are the things I used to help distract me during those long days after losing Sam.

I want you to give yourself permission to be distracted.

It’s not a cop-out. It’s not an easy way out. It’s not avoiding your grief. It’s a tool – one that helps you survive those early days, weeks, months, and even the first year after losing your child.

I’m almost seven years out now, and I don’t use these distractions anymore. God has brought healing to my heart to the point where I can sit in silence and be okay most of the times. 

Because we’re never completely over it. We’ll never fully move on, because we can’t. There are still hard times. But they’re so much fewer than they were in the early days.

So know that when you’re distracting yourself, it won’t be forever.

It will be for as long as you need it to be. There’s no time limit on grief. There’s no timeline for healing. There’s no point in your journey where you’re supposed to be healed and not need distractions anymore.

Your journey will look different than mine.

But you know who does know exactly how long you’ll need?

Jesus.

He knows you inside and out. He knows exactly what you need, when you need it, and for how long. And He will walk with you every step of your grief journey, until you are on the other side of healing.

However long that takes.

And whatever you need to do in that journey to get there.

I pray that these tips help you get through those long days. When you start feeling that heaviness and think to yourself, I can’t sit here anymore, pull out one of these distractions, or something else that brings you comfort.

And I know that as you walk this step by step, your heart will be healed, piece by piece.

PIN FOR LATER ⤵️